


Baby, We Built This House On Memories

by WickerPrince



Series: Ryden Angst Fest [2]
Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Angst, DO YOU HATE ME YET BCM?, Just angst, M/M, Not even really fluff, Other, angsty angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-22
Updated: 2017-03-22
Packaged: 2018-10-09 07:10:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10406676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WickerPrince/pseuds/WickerPrince
Summary: So here's another one of these shit fests. I promised you more, didn't I? I am a man of my word, darlings. Enjoy!





	1. The Lonely Moments Just Get Lonelier

_ If you're a lover, you should know _

_ The lonely moments just get lonelier _

_ The longer you're in love _

_ Than if you were alone _

_ Memories turn into daydreams become a taboo _

 

So  _ maybe _ Brendon had been staring at Ryan the entire ride to the truck stop. And  _ maybe  _ Ryan had caught him a few times. And  _ maybe _ , every time Ryan gave him a weird look, he would feel the knot in his chest tighten a little. 

 

But he was most definitely  _ not _ in love. 

 

He didn’t feel lonely when Ryan wasn’t close to him, or in the same room as him, or when he didn’t reply to texts. He didn’t dream about having Ryan close to him. He didn’t. He promised Dallon he wasn’t in love with Ryan, and he was going to keep that promise. No matter what.

 

Brendon most definitely had not almost had a break down when Dallon had told him Ryan said yes to going on a date. He had not gone to the bathroom and cried. He had not been absolutely devastated the next day when Ryan was blabbering on about how much fun he’d had. 

 

And he had not been angry when Dallon and Ryan announced that they were a ‘thing’. 

 

He was happy for Ryan, he was, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he wouldn’t be able to be around either of his other band members without wanting to A) cry or B) kill Dallon. 

 

Nope, Brendon was fine. He was not in love with Ryan. He wasn’t angry with Dallon because Dallon had to have known how he felt towards Ryan - which was completely platonic of course.

 

But, of course, Brendon couldn’t deny it forever. Eventually, he had to admit that he had feelings for Ryan. Strong feelings. 

 

“Brendon? It’s one A.M., go to back to sleep.” Spencer grumbled from the top bunk across from him. Brendon had been throwing wads of trashed song sheets at his face for the past ten minutes. 

 

“I can’t. I need to talk to you.” Brendon hissed, making sure not to wake Dallon or Ryan, who were (of course) spooning on Ryan’s bed just below Brendon’s. 

 

“Can’t it wait until it’s a reasonable hour?” 

 

“No. I need to talk  _ right now _ . ” Brendon insisted. 

 

Spencer let out an almost over dramatic sigh and sat up, rubbing the last of the sleep from his eyes. “Meet me outside, you doof.” he said and stretched. 

 

The small crack his spine made when he did so had Brendon cringing as he climbed down the ladder and made his way outside, into the cool early morning air. Brendon leaned against the bus, waiting a minute before he looked to the door. Spencer had stepped out, barefoot and still clad in his pyjamas. 

 

“What in God’s name do you want?” he snapped before taking a look, a good look, at the look on Brendon’s face. He didn’t look like himself. But, then again, when Spencer thought about it, Brendon hadn’t been himself. He hadn’t been smiling as much. He never seemed to sleep and he spent a lot of time either in his bed (staring at the wall, not actually sleeping) or as far from Ryan as possible.

 

“I know it’s early, but I had to tell you before anyone else woke up.” Brendon confessed. The shame he felt now, knowing that Spencer was most definitely pissed at him for waking him at such an ungodly hour, that wasn’t nearly as bad as the amount of hurt he was going through.

 

“Tell me what?” Spencer asked, his tone softening. 

 

“I’m in love with Ryan.” Brendon blurted out. “I have been for a long time, since our first album I think. And I promised Dallon that I had zero feelings for Ryan and now they’re a couple and…” Brendon stopped and sighed. “I need your help, Spenc.” 

 

Spencer stood there for a moment before nodding. “Sure, Brendon. I’ll help you.” 


	2. It Takes My Breath Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oooooooooooooooooh you're gonna hate me so much. I intend on finishing this today or tomorrow, so have fun with that, loves.

_ I don't want to be afraid _

_ The deeper that I go _

_ It takes my breath away _

_ Soft hearts electric souls _

_ Heart to heart and eyes to eyes _

_ Is this taboo? _

 

“I don’t know, Spencer, maybe this is a bad idea.” Brendon said for the fifth fucking time that night. Spencer had dressed him in a rather handsome suit of his own choosing. He refused to let Brendon look like an utter buffoon in front of Ryan. No sir, not on his watch.

 

“Brendon, shut the fuck up, you look great, and when have I ever failed you?” Spencer asked, raising a brow. Brendon turned around, his arms folded over his chest. 

 

“Well...there was the time you lost my pants right before the concert.” Brendon said.

 

“You know that wasn’t my fault. Besides, you think it was my idea to trust me? Nope, that’s on you. And I fixed it didn’t I? I found them.” Spencer replied, batting Brendon’s arms away from his chest so that he could do the tie.

 

Brendon let out a sigh and waited for Spencer to secure the tie before he turned back to the mirror, looking himself over.

 

“You think he’ll like it?” he asked. 

 

“I know he will. Trust me, Ryan was my best friend for years until you came along. If there’s one thing that Ryan loves, it’s a guy in a suit.” 

 

Brendon smiled, looking over at Spencer. “Thanks, Spence.”

 

“No problem. Now let’s go or we’ll miss the window of opportunity.” Spencer said and pushed Brendon towards the door. 

 

Brendon laughed quietly, trying to ignore the familiar feeling at the pit of his stomach. He just hoped this worked.

 

/////

 

“Brendon, if you don’t go in, you’ll never get Ryan.” Spencer growled as he made his best attempt to shove Brendon through the doors of the restaurant. 

 

“I don’t wanna do it anymore.” Brendon said, pushing back against Spencer’s force. 

 

“Brendon, you idiot, you’re doing this! I’m not going to have you end up alone!” Spencer replied, giving Brendon one last, harsh shove that sent him toppling into the building. 

 

Brendon looked up at Spencer, pouting. “He’s gonna freak. And I’ll lose the friendship I have with Dallon. And then I’ll have to leave the band.”

 

Spencer rolled his eyes, brushing off Brendon’s suit. “Shut up, idiot. Ryan is going to love this.”

 

“Then why is he walking away from the building?” Brendon asked, pointing behind Spencer where Ryan and Dallon were walking right past where they were supposed to be tonight.

 

“Crap!” Spencer exclaimed. “Wrong restaurant! C’mon, Bren, if we hurry we can get there before them.” he said, grabbing Brendon’s wrist and tugging him back into the night. 

 

The faint glow from the street lamps made everything more dramatic as Brendon and Spencer sprinted down the sidewalk. Their feet pounding on the ground was the only noise Brendon could hear. 

 

“This way!” shouted Spencer, tugging Brendon around a street corner. “We can’t let them see us.” 

  
Brendon nodded, adrenaline making his thoughts cloud. He stumbled over a crack in the sidewalk and decided it might be safer to run on the road. Spencer’s shouts didn’t make any sense at first, but by the time he heard the unmistakable shriek of “move!”, it was too late.


	3. And When Your Fantasies Become Your Legacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's all take a moment to realise something:
> 
> Dallon Weekes is 6'3  
> Spencer Smith is 5'11  
> Ryan Ross is 5'11  
> Brendon Urie is 5'9
> 
> Just a little bit of happy and adorable trivia because god knows you're all going to need it

_Baby we built this house_

_On memories_

_Take my picture now_

_Shake it til you see it_

_ And when your fantasies _

_ Become your legacy _

_ Promise me a place _

__ In your house of memories _ _

  


It all happened in slow motion. Spencer screaming, Brendon falling back almost cinematically. All of it was...surreal. Spencer’s hands were shaking as he dialed the police, shock washing over him and taking over his thoughts.

 

“911, what’s your emergency?” said the operator. She sounded sweet. Too sweet for Spencer’s liking. How could she be so sweet when Brendon could die! If he wasn’t already.

 

“M-m-my…Br-Bren…car…” he stammered, taking a few breaths to compose himself.

 

“Sir, please slow down. What’s your name?”

 

“Spencer. Spencer Smith.” Spencer replied, kneeling beside Brendon. He was still breathing, barely though.

 

“Spencer, tell me what happened.” The operator said calmly. That was her job after all.

 

“My f-friend...we were going to surprise s-someone...he stepped into the road...I couldn’t get him back in time...a car...the..car...it…” Spencer trailed off. The blood running down the side of Brendon’s head made everything all too real. He began to cry, shaking Brendon in hopes he would wake up.

 

“We’ll send an officer. Where are you?”

 

Spencer stammered out their location. The operator said someone would be there in about five to ten minutes before hanging up. Spencer dropped his phone as the screen went black. He grabbed Brendon's shoulders, shaking him harshly.

  
“Brendon! Brendon, please, wake up!” he screamed.

 

/////

 

It had taken eight minutes and twenty-two seconds for an officer and an ambulance to arrive at the scene. Spencer had been counting. In that time, he had called Ryan and Dallon, explaining to them what happened. They arrive at seven minutes and thirty seconds.

 

By that time, Spencer didn’t have any strength to cry anymore. He just knelt beside Brendon, desperately trying to wake him up.

 

Ryan’s breath caught in his throat at the sight of Brendon. One side of his head was covered in blood and it looked to be that he would have at least a few bruised or broken ribs.

 

“Brendon…?” he asked, walking forward at the ambulance parked near the curb. His hands began to shake. The world was spinning. He barely heard himself scream out for Brendon, begging him to be okay.

 

What was worse, though, was being pulled away from him. Watching as they pulled Brendon onto a stretcher and rolled him into the ambulance. He pleaded with the paramedics to let him ride with Brendon.

 

When they denied him for the third time, Dallon wrapped his arm around his shoulders, trying to comfort him the best he could. Dallon’s hand rubbing and down his shoulder made Ryan think of all the times he and Brendon had been there for each other, sobbing on each other’s shoulders and telling each other funny stories to cheer the other up.

 

“W-we have to go to the hospital. We have to-to-to make sure he’s okay.” Ryan stammered out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no regrets about this and I want you all to know that


	4. I Think of You from Time to Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *casually rips everyone's hearts out*

_ I think of you from time to time _

_ More than I thought I would _

_ You were just too kind _

_ And I was too young to know _

_ That's all that really matters _

_ I was a fool _

  
  


The entire ride to the hospital was eerily silent, save for Ryan’s choked sobs and occasional sniffle. Dallon was driving, seeing as he was the only one who was capable of forming complete sentences. It wasn’t to say that Dallon wasn’t shaken, because God knows he was, but he had to be the one to be strong. Spencer was a shocked mess and Ryan...he’d never seen Ryan so upset in all the time he’d know the other. 

 

Ryan was climbing out of the car before Dallon had even parked, tripping over his own feet. Spencer and Dallon followed him in suit as he burst through the doors of the hospital, just barely catching sight of Brendon’s feet as they wheeled him away. 

 

“Brendon!” Ryan shouted, ready to run after him. A rather large male nurse stepped in front of him, staring down at him sternly. 

 

“Please,” Ryan begged, “I need to see him.”

 

“You will be notified when you are allowed to see him.” said the nurse, his voice uncomfortably soft for such a big man. 

 

Ryan’s shoulders slumped in defeat as the three were lead to the waiting room of the ER. Ryan sat in silence, tears still streaming down his face. He stared down at his shoes, thinking of all the times Brendon had said he’d rather die than be without Brendon. Those times...they made Ryan feel so special. Like he was the only person that mattered to Brendon. And now here he was, sitting in a hospital waiting room with his boyfriend, his best friend, waiting to hear news about the man he was probably supposed to end up with.

 

/////

 

It took about an hour for news to arrive that Brendon was mostly stable but they couldn’t see him quite yet. No, that had to wait for the morning. Dallon and Spencer tried to convince Ryan to come back to the bus, that they would come back first thing in the morning, but it was no use. Ryan wasn’t leaving until he  _ knew  _ Brendon was going to be alright.

 

Spencer sighed, shooting Dallon a look and turned to leave. Dallon pressed a gentle kiss to the side of Ryan’s head and followed the other man out of the building. There was no point in staying, but Ryan wasn’t budging. 

 

Throughout the night, he watched people reunite with their loved ones after a surgery, or a few days of lying in some hospital bed. All he could think of was doing that with Brendon. Wrapping his arms around his shoulders, kissing his forehead and telling him how worried he had been, that he thought Brendon might not make it. But, of course he would make it. This was Brendon fucking Urie. He was invincible. Or, he thought he was.

 

“Ryan Ross?” came a voice early in the morning. A half awake Ryan looked up. The male nurse from before was standing in front of him and the look in his face was not a good sign. 

 

“Is he okay?” Ryan asked immediately, jumping up from where he sat. 

 

“He’s alive.” said the nurse and waved for Ryan to follow him. Ryan gulped and followed the man down the hall and into Brendon’s room. The sight that greeted him was one that Ryan never wanted to even imagine. But here he was, and it was clear as day this wasn’t some sort of nightmare. He couldn’t just wake up. This was real.

 

“Brendon…” he said quietly, walking to the bed where Brendon lay, practically lifeless.

 

There was no reply for a few seconds. But, against all odds, Brendon turned his head, looking up at Ryan. He smiled. It was weak, but it was there. “Hey, Ry-Ry.” 

 

Ryan smiled a little, pulling a chair over and sitting down. He took one of Brendon’s hands. “I thought you were dead.” 

 

“Awe, Ryan, you can’t get rid of me that easy.” Brendon joked, making a weak attempt to tighten what little grip he had on Ryan’s hand.

 

Ryan was forced to laugh. Even like this, Brendon seemed to make him laugh with the simplest of jokes, morbid as they were. “You idiot, what were you doing in the middle of the street?” 

 

“I was gonna surprise you...at the restaurant.” Brendon replied, his smile faltering.

 

“Why the Hell would you do that?” Ryan asked. 

 

“Because I was bored.” Brendon replied. No way was he going to tell Ryan the real reason. He was going to die with his secret.

 

“Fucking idiot.” Ryan replied, wrapping his arms gently around Brendon’s shoulders. 

  
“I know.” Brendon chuckled, flinching a little at the sharp pain that shot through his head. If he was going to die, this is how he would do it. Smiling. 


	5. Promise Me a Place in Your House of Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand the heartbreak comes to an end for this fic. you're welcome

_ Baby we built this house _

_ On memories _

_ Take my picture now _

_ Shake it til you see it _

_ And when your fantasies _

_ Become your legacy _

_ Promise me a place _

_ In your house of memories _

 

That day was spent in the best way Brendon could have imagined, with his current situation and all. Ryan was by his side all night, cracking jokes and just generally making Brendon smile. He hadn’t let go of his hand even once. Dallon and Spencer stopped by around five. Lucky they did, too. 

 

It was at five-fifteen exactly when Brendon’s heart monitor began to show signs of his heart failing. 

 

Ryan’s eyes widened, looking up at the machine. The steady beeping had turned to a slow ticking. 

 

Beep, flat, flat, beep, flat, flat, beep.

 

“Bren?” Ryan asked quietly, his grip tightening on Brendon’s hand. 

 

“This can’t be a surprise.” Brendon replied, his eyes already beginning to close. 

 

“Bren, no, no, no, no, no, no…” Ryan’s breathing sped up. “Bren, don’t go.”

 

Brendon’s eyes flickered up to Spencer, who nodded despite the tears filling his eyes. Brendon looked back to Ryan. 

 

“Ry, you gotta make a promise to me.” he said, voice growing steadily weaker.

 

“Anything, Bren.” Ryan nodded. 

 

Brendon smiled. His last words to Ryan were going to sound corny, but he knew he had to say it. “Promise me a place...in your house of memories, please.” he mumbled. 

 

Beep...beep...beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

 

Ryan’s breath stopped. He shook Brendon’s now lifeless body. “Bren. Bren, wake up. Wake up. Wake up, Brendon! This isn’t funny, Brendon!” he shouted, his grip on Brendon’s shoulders tightening. 

 

Dallon placed a hand on his shoulder but Ryan yanked himself away, tears rolling down his face already. “Brendon! Brendon, get the fuck up! This isn’t funny!”

 

Spencer grabbed Ryan’s arm, making the other man look at him. He shook his head slowly, eyes pleading for Ryan to understand. 

 

Ryan took one more glance at Brendon. “I loved him.” he whispered. “And I didn’t get to tell him.” 

 

Spencer nodded, letting his hand drop back to his side. “I know…” 

 

Ryan looked back to Brendon, running his hand through the man’s hair. He was half expecting for Brendon to lean into the touch, or make that little purring sound he always did when Ryan did this. But nothing happened. 

  
Brendon Urie was dead.


End file.
